Looking and Being Different

Most people who know me don't really know what goes on in my brain, unless you've been with my crazy self for more than half of my life. So let me take you to my journey as someone who has been on the side of not only looking different but also being different.

I was born with a congenital defect, it's pretty obvious when you look at me long enough...I am a cleft, both lip and palate. No, don't believe those myths that my Mum slid and fell while she was pregnant and all that because our family can prove that that's all crap (pardon). Mum was at her healthiest and fittest when she was pregnant with me. She slid and fell while she was pregnant with both Paul (older bro) and Jam (younger sis), and they were born without any facial congenital defects.

I've always been very expressive of my feelings. When I feel lonely, you'd know...when I feel happy, you'd know...when I feel sick, you'd know...so my face is a dead giveaway of what I'm feeling (especially my eyes). And I always remember my Mum and Dad reminding me that I'm special, that I've got something special in me to show everyone. I didn't really get that...I just knew that I was special in their eyes.

Then came school...yes, the one place that taught me how to deal with real life. I grew up in the realm of the Jesuit way (you can guess by this time which alma mater I came from). Kindergarten was the best years of my childhood! I had teachers who showered us with compliments, classmates whom you were friends with, nannies whom you trusted your life with. A little segway here, I demanded that my nanny be right outside the classroom door for a whole week during my first days in school since I was SCARED TO DEATH that I would go home by myself! So needless to say, I grew up with my nanny by my side until my high school years!

Did bullies exist? OH YES! They did exist and in many different forms too! There were those bullies who would outright point and laugh at you, reminding you that you look different. There were those bullies who just randomly pick on people (whether they look different or not) to make their lives miserable for that one moment. Then, there were those bullies who just targeted YOU and only YOU. Their world revolved around YOU. That was me a year in high school.

What I love about the world that I have is that...school is so different of a world that as soon as I get home, I'm at peace. I don't care about what other people say...I'm in my zen place, my abode, my zone. I guess that's why we're such a tight-knit family and that we share a lot of our thoughts and ideas so openly because my parents made sure that our home is our cocoon, our sanctuary, and that we're safest there. My closest best friends in school know me so well and they know my dreams and ambitions...of course, I have to show a different side to acquaintances and classmates.

How did I go about life looking and being different? Well, it's something that I got used to. Being stared at, no biggie. People stopping in their tracks and pointing at me...I could care less. Why? Well, because I knew who I was. I knew what I wanted and I knew myself well enough. I love to dance, I love to perform, I love to watch movies, I love to eat pasta, I love pretty things, I love crafts, I love it when people smile at me and compliment me (whether small or big)...that was all that mattered to me. I have Mum and Dad...they're my biggest fans!

College was a different story...because of my experiences in high school, I learned the art of putting a HUGE and MASSIVE wall that would block people from actually getting to know me. I was snobbish, I was strict, I was closed...hardly anyone would dare speak to me when I would enter a classroom and I could always intimidate them with the way I talked. If there's anything that I am really good at, it's expressing my opinion through speaking and writing. A few people "dared" to befriend me and true in form, they became great friends of mine. Heck, I met my husband back in college! But I knew that I was a completely different person in college...I transformed myself into someone who knew how to do a very nasty and sarcastic comeback from an ignorant classmate.

"Classmate, gwapa unta ka...kung dili lang ka bungi." said a classmate.
"Mao ka?" I replied, looking at her with the purest sarcastic sneer, "At least puwede pa nako ni mapa-surgery...imong dagway, unsaon na lang na? Dili gud ka bungi...dili pa jud gwapa!"

I know...I shouldn't have stooped to her level but she was asking for it. After that, everyone (and I mean everyone in our department, heck the whole campus!) knew the attitude that I had. They were scared. But to me, and to my friends, I wouldn't have said that if she wasn't being tactless. Seriously...what would you have said?

After four major operations to repair my palate...the only thing left is the facial reconstruction to make me look as if I wasn't born with a cleft lip and palate. Why didn't I have it? Well, I spoke well. Heck, I was an English teacher to Koreans and I was a soft skills and communications trainer...I'm sure that I speak well. I don't need to blend in and look just like everybody else. Besides, I'd rather focus on my D who now has so many syllables in his vocabulary that I'm catching up every single day!

My parents taught me how to be strong. I grew up to be stronger. Looking and actually being different has always been something that I consider a positive for me...and that's exactly how I'm going to teach D as well.