A Different Normal

Now that the big bash has ended, a different kind of normal has set in. Not only do I have a toddler who scurries and is almost at the brink of running after our Chinese Sharpei, Sparkle, I have fully committed myself to my online teaching and planning to get more students in the coming months (well, I'm still easing into the idea anyway).

I looked at myself in the mirror and finally noticed my naturally wavy hair which hasn't been treated (rebond) for the past four years (WOW!), I noticed my eyebrows screaming for another session of threading, I noticed my face yearning for its usual facial treatment, I noticed my teeth that are asking for another scary and potentially annoying session with our dentist...alas, I finally noticed myself! Well, looks like I need a major overhaul! Hahaha...I could have laughed at myself but then again, I was kinda right.

Look, before I got pregnant...I made it a point to really dress up and look at the part of a communications trainer back in the corporate world. I loved it. I love dressing up and working the corridors with my "clacking" heels, yes...they were painful but I felt good. Everything, and I mean everything, changed as soon as I found out I was pregnant. It took awhile for me to really keep all my heels but when L noticed that I was wearing them while sitting down (HAHAHA!), he himself stowed them away where I could not reach them. My corporate attire rested for about a year before I was able to fit in them again but I opted for a more relaxed kind of wardrobe since I was still in my post-pregnancy body.

I'm now embracing a different kind of normal. It's when I wake up in the morning not because I woke up by myself but because D is waking me up and I look at the clock and it's 5:30...yes, I have my personal alarm clock and he's as cute as a button. We have already a schedule all set up, I have classes in the afternoon but I still make it a point for him to socialize with his playgroup once a week. I also find time to pump milk at least three times a day for his personal stash...anything that is more than what I usually pump is donated. Also, I spend as much time on the floor playing with him. There's nothing more in the world that I want to do.

When it's time for class, I make it a point to still have at least 15% of my brain on D...although Yaya Wilma has complete eyes on him, I still sneak in a peek whenever I have the time. My Skype profile picture is him so naturally my students will always ask about how he is and all. I'm so blessed and thankful to have this online gig since it gives me the best of both worlds, I can still do what I love and be at home with D.

For the next few days, my personal assignment is to SLOWLY (emphasizing as it will take a long time) arrange my accessories in my dresser. I noticed my dresser and our closets (his-and-her) and they're not exactly up to my standards of OC-ness, hahaha! I know that it's going to take some time since I juggle a lot on my plate but I am quite happy that I am slowly easing into motherhood. Yes, you might find it strange that I've only just eased into it. It's not easy having a baby...but now that D is a toddler and is beginning to realize that he is a being on his own, I can actually have some time for myself and remember that I am a being too.

Although it can take me months to be able to book a salon appointment to have my hair done, or weeks before I can head to my facialist for my treatment...it's only because I am still adjusting to motherhood. It's never easy leaving D behind, even though I have already left a stash for him and made sure to have explained to him where I am going. It is me who is feeling the anxiety because there is a certain guilt of wanting to spend some time alone when my baby needs me...but now that he'd a toddler, I can fully understand why it took so long, it's because I needed to feel comfortable enough as a mother to be able to leave him and know that he can fend for himself. He knows when he's hungry and can give cues to his nanny, though I am at his beck and call...he knows that if I need to have time for myself, he doesn't get mad. It took me a long time to be able to get it...but now, I finally have.

I'm not so sure if I fully make sense in this post but I am smiling but I can slowly plan things for myself and L. I can call for a movie date and not worry too much. I can book a salon appointment and know that D will be fine. I can head on to my facialist and pamper myself. And I can come home knowing that D is waiting for me with the biggest smile and open arms...heck, a few tiny steps with it as well!

The evolution of normal will always have its stages. I'm glad to see myself in a different stage...in a different normal.