First Mother's Day

As this is my first Mother's Day celebration, L asked me a question that he's been asking me ever since I became pregnant, "What do you want for that special day?" Whether it be Christmas, our wedding anniversary, my birthday or Mother's Day...I'm still stumped, speechless and at a loss for words. I'm not so sure what I want...then I started thinking about a couple of new designs from GroVia or the Skip Hop bags that would look perfect on D instead of his usual diaper bag or go over the list of things that we need for D's first birthday...wait a sec, didn't he ask what I wanted for that special day? How come I couldn't think of MY wants and instead think of D's wants instead...right, I'm a mom.

Ever since I became pregnant, everything (and I mean EVERYTHING) has shifted to D. I was lucky enough to be able to enjoy perks of being single and think of no one else but me, then L and I decided to get married and we were still lucky to be able to travel to KL and SG before we got pregnant...I had a closet full (and I mean full!) of clothes and shoes...not to mention purses and bags (I even forgot that I had more bags and purses that I stashed in my sister's closet!). How quickly has my focused changed to this one little human being is beyond me...but I don't regret it nor do I miss my former self at all.

This evolution of myself has been gradual, I believe. And I think that's the beauty of being pregnant! The first trimester tells you that you are carrying someone...but it doesn't make you look like it, just feel like it (morning sickness, tummy aches). The second trimester slowly comes in and you look too full to not be pregnant but look like you ate a melon to be pregnant, I call it the ugly side since you're in the middle of the cycle! You still get to enjoy your time with your husband, family and friends! Then third trimester kicks in where you slowly ease into being a mother since the baby's obviously kicking you hard enough to constantly remind you that he's about to be born. I saw myself evolve while I was pregnant...I gave up my stilettos and wedges, clothes that hugged my body and my career as a trainer. I knew I needed to shift focus and D helped me ease into it.

"Lain na jud basta mommy na noh? Wala na'y freedom."
"Lahi na ang priority...wala na'y shopping2."
"Dili na ka ka-laag!"
"Kasayang sa trabaho nimo...sa balay na lang ka."

Yes, I have heard all of these and more! But in the end, I really don't regret resigning from my job (quite blessed that L is very supportive of me staying at home and being very hands-on with D), nor do I consider myself "trapped" because I don't get to go out anymore (D's godmother and I always have lunch dates every two weeks). Priorities do change, but that doesn't mean that I'm saddened about it. In fact, I welcome the change! I welcomed another part of me that I never thought I could actually do. Though I stay home to take care of my son, I am very blessed to have Yaya Wilma to take charge when I need to run errands or simply rest. It doesn't make me less of a mother that I'm not working in an office (being that I just take a few online classes on the side), it doesn't make me less of a mother that I have a nanny to help me (Yaya Wilma only came to us when D was 6 1/2 months), it doesn't make me less of a mother that I have prioritized him over the things that I usually do (isn't that evolution of being a woman?)...

A mother is a mother. No other labels will come out of that. It is a woman who had prepared herself for 9 months to become one. A little being grew inside her and she was tasked to take care and help him/her come out of the world. In the end, that's really just the point.

Having had the chance to meet so many moms...in the end, our babies are our life...everyone and everything else just comes in second.