Full-Term Breastfeeding and Beyond: With Gratitude and Joy

D has just turned 15 months and he loves to walk around, explore and get himself into all kinds of mischief. It's something that I've slowly prepared myself for and somehow, we're all amazed at how he can learn so much in so little time. I can sense that he's a lot like L when learning things, he needs to touch them and do things rather than just observing. But sometimes, I also catch him observing me doing something and then later on, he'd be doing it as well! Such a sponge this little dude!

I've been breastfeeding D since Day 1 of his life and up to this day, there hasn't been a stop to his insatiable love and appetite for my boobies. He's a little more protective of me now since he doesn't like it when L would hug me or even just put his hand on my lap. You can expect a whine or he would literally remove the hand from me. But breastfeeding is a different story for the three of us. It's something that has bonded us ever more and I think that we're reaping the benefits now, more than ever.

D loves his food...and I mean LOVES it! An hour right after his breakfast, expect him to be munching on his biscuits again while trying his hand at the vacuum. Or right after dinner, he'd be asking for my milk in a bottle (since we're getting into a routine that he doesn't see me until nighttime to get him used to me working). Yaya W adores D because he's happy when he's full and satisfied. But yes, he throws tantrums especially when he knows he can control the situation, or when it's L who's looking after him.

Having had the chance to breastfeed D full-term has been such a blessing and I can only express gratitude to my support group. I don't think I would be able to last this long if it weren't for their kinds words, strength and support. I happen to be breastfeeding a piranha too, since D already has eight teeth and is sprouting a couple of more in the coming weeks. There are instances (especially the night feedings when I noticed that he would catch up on his feeding) that I just wish he'd let go of my sore nipples but I also know that's the only time he can have me all to himself. The moment the sun comes out, he knows that I am playing three roles, mom, wife and sister (let's change the sister to trainer next year!).

It is indeed with gratitude and joy and I have come to embrace this advocacy that is so near and dear to my heart. I have learned so much about being a mother and I know that I have more to learn and to share to other moms and moms-to-be.

I believe that breastfeeding is the best start of any baby's life because it is simply Mother Nature working. There's nothing to be scared about it. There's nothing to doubt about it. And there's definitely nothing weird about it.

julie

Sticking To A Routine

When the decision was made that I would go back to my old job (a job that I truly love), we knew that we needed to transition D to a routine that we all could slowly ease into and that he can handle. Tots love and thrive with routine. Of course, he can make his own routine and God only knows it takes me a while to understand what he actually wants but as long as he's happy...we're all good.

Though my job would be in shifts, morning shift would be a priority for me since I'm still breastfeeding D and I'm also pumping in between for his stash, and also he's still young. He just turned 15 months a few days ago and I've noticed that he doesn't drink as much milk as he would from a bottle or from a cup, he would only drink if he's about to take his nap (which he would take it from a bottle) and then doze himself to sleep. Then, after my online classes...that's the time he would catch up with his feedings. I totally get it now...though I still pump for extra stash and to make sure that I won't get plugged ducts and all, the transition to feeding him has definitely been a major change in my routine.

I'm pretty lucky to have an online gig right now that simply requires me to sit and I can power pump during my classes. I can pump about 4-5oz for each afternoon that I power pump and D only consumes about 3-4oz so I still have a bit of the stash left. When I don't have classes (Korean holidays or when I am absent) then I make it a point to directly feed D coz I'm way too lazy to really pump. So weekends are really just directly feeding him and then he eats A LOT OF solids.

I haven't really thought of how my pumping routine will be in the office since we're really focused on getting D to get used to not seeing me for longer hours. He does get used to it at some point but when he sees me in the family office then all hell breaks loose because he'd demand that I spend time with him. Also, we're still trying to calm him when he wakes up at night for feeding. I have yet to introduce the bottle with him and L but we're planning to do that in November. I'll leave the cooler in our bedroom with a bottle or two and hopefully, they'll both manage to soothe and calm themselves. This is for when I have the midshift (2pm-11pm) schedule coz I'd be home by 11:30pm and be in bed by 11:45pm...that's about 10 hours gone so it'll take some getting used to for D and L given that they're both used to just having me in between them. Good luck to the boys, huh?

Not only am I getting D to a routine...I also need to get myself in a routine. I've been staying at home for almost 2 years now so that's almost 2 years of not really waking up early or prepping myself to go out (that's such too much prepping!) so I need to get myself into a quick but foolproof routine where I can still be a wife, mom and a trainer...hahaha! Good luck to me, huh?

All these talk about routines have definitely made me feel excited but at the same time anxious because gone are the days where I can actually play hooky and plan the whole day on a whim...this time around, there's a need for a schedule and there's a need for cooperation (and I mean serious cooperation) so that everyone can leave on time and not be late. Aha! Good luck to all of us, huh?

But I'm sure that we can all manage somehow, we still have two more months...I'd want to be optimistic about this...

julie

Think About It

I'm at a crossroad right now...

I've always wanted to be a hands-on mom, like hands-on to a point that I stay home and make sure that I see every single milestone that D will go through. Then again, I look back and see how my life was before I became a mother, I was part of the corporate world and loved being there as well.

Now that D is a toddler, I've always told myself that I might seriously consider going back to work as long as I can handle the pressure and that L and I have thoroughly talked about it.

Right after our usual weekly playgroup this morning, I had lunch with a very good friend of mine from my previous office and she also happens to be D's godmother. She also asked me to be the godmother of her youngest son's confirmation and of course, I obliged with a huge smile. She updated me with the happenings in the office and how much it has changed and how many have come and gone. Then, right there...I can still vividly remember how fun the office was. It was a family and I miss it every single day.

She told me that because of the recent changes of the line-up in the office...some people have decided to leave and some are about to leave. Of course, there are new faces and that's also great and refreshing. Then I asked her, "Do you need me there?" And with her usual expression in her eyes, "Yes...but think about it..."

Ah yes...think about it...

I cannot quite grasp the idea of me about to leave for work everyday when I know that I'm leaving D. I trust Yaya W completely, don't get me wrong, but I've always wanted to be a hands-on mom. I've always wanted to see every single milestone that he'll go through. I wanna be the one who will teach him all the firsts in the world. I'm relinquishing that...and I'm not sure if I can fathom the idea, just yet.

I know that this is going to be a long process of thinking and weighing the pros and cons. I listed down the first few comparisons that came into mind and everything that was under CON was about D. Am I wrong for wanting to be with my son? Am I wrong for wanting to go back to work? Where am I supposed to put myself in this situation? I'm confused because I'm battling with my own reasons even though the world around me is telling me that it'll be all right.

This is battle between the mother in me and the wife in me...mother because I want to take of D and be there for everything that he will go through, wife because I know that we can work together better if we both are employed and we can actually save more and have a fund set for D.

I don't know...I'm still lost...

I have until the end of the year to really think about this carefully...I just hope that whatever I decide, I will be happy about it. I know that my family will be supportive of whatever choice I make...I just need to be sure that I AM okay with the decision.

Milestones and Comparisons

I've heard it more often than I want..."How old is he? Can he talk? Can he walk? Can he say his name? Can he recognize people?" WHOA! Slow down, I have a 13-month-old, not a senior citizen! What's wrong with you people?

I've been looking through tons of baby/toddler websites and I know by now that tots grow up very differently even though they live in the same area. Let's take D as an example...he's about to hit his 14th month in a couple of days and he just loves to be all around the place! I read him books (well, he has a favorite book) and he loves to play with his blocks and puzzles and all sorts of toys. He likes to stand more than walking, and if he does walk...he'd rather do it when he's on top of our mattress, knowing that if he'd fall flat on his bum, it's soft (smart kid!). He has tons of syllables in his vocabulary but a complete word is uttered by accident and happens once in a blue moon. He has his mood swings and will definitely let the world know how he feels. He just hit his 9-kg mark on the scale on his last pedia visit and is still cheerfully breastfeeding whenever he wants to. He eats three full meals a day (and more snacks in between) and loves to try new food, as long as he can take the taste. His eyes beam whenever he sees the most familiar faces (me, L, Yaya, Lolo, Lola and Tita J). He adores it whenever he is near our dogs, Spark and Sam, and would love to pull their tail if he had the chance. He knows that crawling is a faster way of getting to what he wants than walking. He loves it when the faucet is turned on and we have to wash his bum. He points out to whatever he wants us to bring him and will let us know if it's the right thing.

For this wonderful little dude, he is slowly and surely learning his way around the world. He's unlike any other tot in the world and I wouldn't change that. Should I worry that he insists in crawling rather than walking? Nope, he'll find his footing in the world. Should I worry that he hasn't uttered words yet? Nope, he'll soon mutter them nonstop once he has found his syllables. Should I worry that he's choosy with people? Nope, he recognizes faces and beams when he knows them.

I've learned (the hard way) that I cannot push D to be just like any other tot because he's not like any other tot. I can't compare him to his peers and I can't force him to fit in to the "standard" when he has his own way and footing in the world. I love it that he's teaching me the one lesson that I've learned myself, "Why do I need to fit in when I am born to stand out and be a different person?"

Yes D, I understand. And I will try my best to keep that in mind. You are your own being and you are your own person. And I will be as patient as I can be with myself and my expectations so that I can give you the best that the world has to offer. I trust that you will learn how the world works and you will also teach me how you are as a being in this world.

D's Bash: Capturing Moments by CJ Liamzon

A picture is worth a thousand words...to a mom, a picture of her baby is worth a milllion and more. I never pass up a good photo op and D's big bash was the biggest photo op in my calendar.

When Anj of MustLoveBabies had to fly to Manila unexpectedly, I was happy that she was able to contact a photog friend of hers who happens to be a highschool batchmate of mine. So the meet & greet wasn't really problem anymore.

CJ Liamzon loves photography like babies love sleep and you can see it in his way of capturing shots, especially the candid ones. Everything is self-explanatory, from the expressions on the eyes to the simplest hand gestures...it is indeed a thousand and more words. His extensive background and experience also shows his professionalism, I hardly noticed him taking the photos during the bash...which is rare for someone who loves the camera (ehem!).

Here are some of my fave shots that he took during the bash:

The look of a Dad to his son.

A baby's smile to his mother is as priceless as the biggest diamond in the world.

Both photos are as candid as they can be as I try to remember where CJ and Tonn were at this time, maybe because I was too busy thinking whether I've finished everything for D's big bash that I hardly really noticed them.

The awe in the eyes of the audience as the magician concentrated on this one act of surprise, he has achieved what magic is all about...awe and wonder.

I particularly adore this black and white photo of James and the audience, it's when the dove seemed to have magically come alive and out of the frame. The audience, kids and adults alike, had wonder and awe in their faces as mouths opened and jaws dropped. Such a classic photo...

Smiles radiate from these children as they dance their hearts out...

These kids definitely know how to strut their stuff as they dance...definitely loving the motto, "Dance like no one's watching..."

The Peas in the Pod with their moms

Love, love, love this photo of the moms and the babies of our playgroup. A support group of moms in all aspects of mommyhood, I can't help but think what I'd do if I didn't know these wonderful and amazing moms! I love how CJ captured our smiles and even though some of our babies weren't looking through the lens, they're definitely smiling all on their own.

To check out CJ's FB page, here's the link.

If I could only have all of these photos framed, they'd be strategically placed in our bedroom so that D will know how much love there is all around him.

Thanks CJ and till our next photo op!

A Different Normal

Now that the big bash has ended, a different kind of normal has set in. Not only do I have a toddler who scurries and is almost at the brink of running after our Chinese Sharpei, Sparkle, I have fully committed myself to my online teaching and planning to get more students in the coming months (well, I'm still easing into the idea anyway).

I looked at myself in the mirror and finally noticed my naturally wavy hair which hasn't been treated (rebond) for the past four years (WOW!), I noticed my eyebrows screaming for another session of threading, I noticed my face yearning for its usual facial treatment, I noticed my teeth that are asking for another scary and potentially annoying session with our dentist...alas, I finally noticed myself! Well, looks like I need a major overhaul! Hahaha...I could have laughed at myself but then again, I was kinda right.

Look, before I got pregnant...I made it a point to really dress up and look at the part of a communications trainer back in the corporate world. I loved it. I love dressing up and working the corridors with my "clacking" heels, yes...they were painful but I felt good. Everything, and I mean everything, changed as soon as I found out I was pregnant. It took awhile for me to really keep all my heels but when L noticed that I was wearing them while sitting down (HAHAHA!), he himself stowed them away where I could not reach them. My corporate attire rested for about a year before I was able to fit in them again but I opted for a more relaxed kind of wardrobe since I was still in my post-pregnancy body.

I'm now embracing a different kind of normal. It's when I wake up in the morning not because I woke up by myself but because D is waking me up and I look at the clock and it's 5:30...yes, I have my personal alarm clock and he's as cute as a button. We have already a schedule all set up, I have classes in the afternoon but I still make it a point for him to socialize with his playgroup once a week. I also find time to pump milk at least three times a day for his personal stash...anything that is more than what I usually pump is donated. Also, I spend as much time on the floor playing with him. There's nothing more in the world that I want to do.

When it's time for class, I make it a point to still have at least 15% of my brain on D...although Yaya Wilma has complete eyes on him, I still sneak in a peek whenever I have the time. My Skype profile picture is him so naturally my students will always ask about how he is and all. I'm so blessed and thankful to have this online gig since it gives me the best of both worlds, I can still do what I love and be at home with D.

For the next few days, my personal assignment is to SLOWLY (emphasizing as it will take a long time) arrange my accessories in my dresser. I noticed my dresser and our closets (his-and-her) and they're not exactly up to my standards of OC-ness, hahaha! I know that it's going to take some time since I juggle a lot on my plate but I am quite happy that I am slowly easing into motherhood. Yes, you might find it strange that I've only just eased into it. It's not easy having a baby...but now that D is a toddler and is beginning to realize that he is a being on his own, I can actually have some time for myself and remember that I am a being too.

Although it can take me months to be able to book a salon appointment to have my hair done, or weeks before I can head to my facialist for my treatment...it's only because I am still adjusting to motherhood. It's never easy leaving D behind, even though I have already left a stash for him and made sure to have explained to him where I am going. It is me who is feeling the anxiety because there is a certain guilt of wanting to spend some time alone when my baby needs me...but now that he'd a toddler, I can fully understand why it took so long, it's because I needed to feel comfortable enough as a mother to be able to leave him and know that he can fend for himself. He knows when he's hungry and can give cues to his nanny, though I am at his beck and call...he knows that if I need to have time for myself, he doesn't get mad. It took me a long time to be able to get it...but now, I finally have.

I'm not so sure if I fully make sense in this post but I am smiling but I can slowly plan things for myself and L. I can call for a movie date and not worry too much. I can book a salon appointment and know that D will be fine. I can head on to my facialist and pamper myself. And I can come home knowing that D is waiting for me with the biggest smile and open arms...heck, a few tiny steps with it as well!

The evolution of normal will always have its stages. I'm glad to see myself in a different stage...in a different normal.

D's Bash: MustLoveBabies c/o Tonn Navales and Anj Quejada

We all know that our babies cannot remember every single detail of the party, hence...the importance of photos and videos. And if there's anything important to parents, it's that our babies have to be amicable and happy when their photos are being taken. It's a challenge making them smile but making them smile on cue is even harder!

I remember growing up watching home videos, how great if D would get the chance to watch home videos of himself as well? This time, though, I needed a professional to take shots of the party itself as I was already prancing around the bash like a maniac worrying about every single thing.

Tonn is the younger brother of a mom from our playgroup, Peas in the Pod. His passion and love for photos and videos can be seen through his YouTube channel. Also, having a niece like Malaika who loves the camera, you know that he's had extensive experience in shooting babies! He and Anj had more patience during D's shoot for his invite and I was more than happy with the outcome.

One of D's shots for his invite

Though D wasn't in the best of moods (notice the tear in his left eye), Tonn and Anj still managed to make him smile and take the best shots.

Here's a link to D's big bash video that Tonn has made for us. D's Big Bash

If you'd like to contact Tonn, here's is a link to his FB page.