My Choice of Breastfeeding

When I found out I was pregnant, I wanted to give the best for my baby. And yes, that included me breastfeeding for as long as I could. My Mum breastfed Kuya Paul, Jam and I for about an average of a year...so I knew that I got the support from my parents. This passion was also fueled more when I attended a mommy meet-up at The POD which was all about The Milk Code.

Since I had to give birth via stat CS, Damien was wheeled to the nursery after the Unang Yakap was done on us and I was being stitched up. I was back in our room at around 3 in the morning and I was still a little doozy, awake but quite doozy. Laurence wanted to make sure that I get enough sleep because he needed the sleep as well, we've been in labor since 2pm the day before and I knew he was very tired. I was quite worried since I wanted to make sure that Damien would get my colostrum but I rested my eyes and got a few hours of sleep.

At 8am, my nurse told me that I needed to go to the breastfeeding room to be able to see Damien. I didn't think twice, I stood up and slowly walked to the breastfeeding room a few meters away from the nursery...yes, with IV and catheter in tow. I just wanted to see Damien again. The nurse told me that he just finished feeding so he might not want to latch onto me immediately, but since I made sure that he went through wet nursing...I was confident that latching for him was not an issue. I just wanted to smell him, to be honest! And I wanted to see him again...I only got to see him for a few minutes since I was in and out of consciousness when the Unang Yakap was done. But I remembered his face so clearly...for someone who was in and out during the operation, I had a good memory of how my baby looked like!

It around lunchtime when Damien was finally roomed-in with us. He was still full since he was just fed but the nurse-in-charge told me that he's not a fussy baby. He was quick in latching and would just cry out when hungry or uncomfortable. In my mind, 'Any baby would be fussy once he's out to this noisy world...' So, I knew that cuddling and making sure that he could sense my presence was top priority for me.

During our three-day stay in the hospital, it wasn't a walk in the park for us. He did latch but he wasn't as comfortable as he would like to be. I was still recovering from my C-section so I couldn't really move as much as I would like so he would sleep in our arms...little did we know that he wanted to latch and sleep at the same time. I guess everything was totally new and unexpected for Laurence and I. I wanted to go home and be comfortable in my own space but we needed to spend one more night since Damien's temperature spiked up to 37.7...hence, the third day in the hospital.

As soon as we got home, breastfeeding him was a little easier since I could do it in my own space where we were all familiar with. Our dogs even understood what was happening and lessened their fussiness as well, hardly any barks and they were right outside our door, waiting for something to happen to call out my parents' attention. I mastered the football hold because of my scar but we managed breastfeeding one day at a time. I was so determined to breastfeed...and my parents were as well so they cooked as much soup (malunggay and imbao) to help me with my supply.

Everybody around me was glad that I chose breastfeeding...I also found out on our own that it was the most hassle-free choice as well. I didn't need to prepare or sterilize anything...just pull up my shirt and Damien would start rooting like mad. It was around two weeks later that we mastered the side-lying position, by then I was more comfortable with my scar and I wasn't in too much pain.

Damien's already 8 months and 14 days as of writing and is still exclusively and directly breastfeeding...he has already started semi-solids when he was around 6 months but he refused the bottle for water, even the sippy spout as well. We resorted to cup feeding him water, to which he took very well.

Though my wardrobe has been limited to nursing wear or button-down tops, I never regretted my decision to breastfeed my boy. It was really more of an economical push as well that led me to really be an advocate. People say that I quickly got back to my pre-pregnancy weight because of breastfeeding, that's true. I could eat anything and everything I want since the calories would shed off quickly because of breastfeeding. But I'm also thankful that I chose breastfeeding since I was more conscious of what I was eating. Anything that I ate was going straight to Damien so I needed to choose well. I haven't taken any caffeine since I got pregnant and have maintained that until today. I love that I've been healthier since then.

I was asked during one La Leche League meet-up, "How long do you plan to breastfeed?" If I had the choice, I wish that I could be able to give as much milk to Damien and to other babies as long as I can. But that's not my choice...Damien has the last call if he'd still be willing to feed from me or if he's strong enough to let go and choose to feed from a glass (with expressed breastmilk, of course!). I don't think it'll reach to 4 years old (the average age of weaning worldwide) but I hope that I am brave enough to face that reality one day.

A Shift of Roles

I'd like to share with you my birthing experience.

From the moment that we found out that we were expecting...I already knew what I wanted to happen when the time comes for me give birth. L-A-M-A-Z-E. My parents were both self-taught in Lamaze and that was almost non-existent during their time since the hospitals were very cold (literally and emotionally) when it came to such ideas. But they were persistent and that inspired me...also because I saw how quick my Mum recovered from giving birth to my younger sister.

My EDD (estimated due date) was August 10...four days before Laurence's birthday. But it was the 19th of July when I noticed a bloody discharge when I went to the bathroom. I quickly sent a text message to my OB telling her that there was some color in my discharge with an added reaction, "This is WAY TOO SOON, right?" Although I was already in my 37th/38th week, I felt that it was way too soon because I haven't even packed my hospital bag nor have I even prepped the room for the baby coming! Yes, I was that confident that I was going to push Damien out in August. I decided to take a morning nap after breakfast and noticed menstrual-like cramps, I figured it was just part of the Braxton-Hicks so I just slept through it.

With insistent demands from my Mum (who was in Cebu that time), my Dad and I went to my OB later that day for a check-up since she also wanted to make sure that everything was in the clear. I didn't send a text message to Laurence (he was assigned in Malita that time) since I didn't wanna panic him, I didn't feel any different anyway. So my OB gave me an IE and lo and behold, I was 2 cm dilated and about 60% effaced! I'm sure that if my Dad had a camera, my face would've been priceless. Way too soon, right?

My mind went on overdrive with the things that we needed to work on as soon as I would reach home...making sure that everything would be ready for the day I was gonna pop. Thankfully, it seems that my contractions weren't as painful as I thought they'd be, being that I based them on movies...LOL! So, it was time to call Laurence and tell him that I was already ready to pop. Although my OB was confident that it's still gonna be about a week. That night, Laurence was back in Davao and has started his leave.

It was the 26th of July (after about a week and a lot of mall trips and even a belly art meet-up at The POD) when I felt the intervals of the contractions to be more timed and regular. I asked Laurence to write them down so that I can have something to look at in case I forget to monitor my contractions...they were about 8-10 minutes apart just before lunch. They weren't painful...I could still move as normally as I can, it just felt like Mother Nature's monthly visit. But my OB told me that if the contractions were already regular or if the pain's too unbearable, time to head to the hospital. So we did...after lunch.

We were admitted to Brokenshire at 2pm. My OB has already informed the labor & delivery room that we were to be expected so they already prepped the Lamaze room for us. But when I was given an IE, I was still 3cm. Damn, I thought I'd be ready to push Damien out! So, Laurence and I decided to walk around the labor room and just relish the few hours that we had together as just the two of us. Actually, we reminisced our wedding day! Too corny when I think about it now but I felt that it was such a happy thought that maybe it would help with the labor process...happy hormones! LOL! We also got the chance to see my OB since she just came out of one of the ORs, she just needed to go to Tagum for a quick look and she'll be back but she has one of her bestfriends (another OB) on standby in case...but I told her, "Damien and I will wait until you're back here in Davao...just be back ASAP." With a nod and a smile, my OB agreed.

Since we were doing the Lamaze method, I was free with any medical intervention. I even hated it when the midwife would ask me to lie down for the fetal monitor...but she was nice enough to make sure that I was on my back for only 10 minutes. When I was already 7cm, Trisha (my nurse) came in the Lamaze room with an IV and I asked, "What's that?" She said that it's time for me to be pricked since I'm already ready to transition and I told her, "I don't want that...seriously. Don't poke me with that. I'm still okay..." She smiled and told me that she's going to ask my OB for the go signal. A couple of minutes later...the go signal was clear. No IV for me!

Then waves and waves of contractions came about and Laurence was nonstop giving me back rubs for about 20 minutes...and I was asked to do another round of fetal monitoring again. I hated that since I was already hungry and dinner was served. I told Laurence that I'll eat as soon as the midwife's done with the monitoring. Wrong move...the monitoring took about 30 minutes and I was asked to do another IE and I was already 8cm...so no more food! Waaah, just my luck! Grrr...

It was around 10:50pm (it was raining really hard that night too) when I was asked to do another IE and I was already 10 cm dilated and fully effaced...ready to push! There was one thing on my mind, "Is Doc Mimat back?" Thankfully, she's back and waiting! We were wheeled to the Lamaze delivery room. It seemed so surreal but I was ready to push Damien out. This was the moment...

Tick...tock...tick...tock...the ticking of the clock was all you could hear in the delivery room as the whole team was waiting for Damien to descend. He hasn't fully descended and he still had about 3-4 cms to go before I can have the big push. But still...no sign of him going down. I looked at the clock and it was already past 12 midnight...July 27th, coincidentally, it was our anniversary as a couple. The whole team waited on for Doc Mimat's decision, she did something that made me say, "Aww...that was painful!" It seems that my pelvic bone was stopping Damien from descending properly and everytime I would push, his heart rate started going down.

My heart stopped when I heard this but I was too selfish to want to give in to anything else. "Juls, we have to do CS." Those words punched through like a knife...I didn't want CS...I didn't want CS...I wanted pain, I wanted pushing...I wanted natural birth.

"Couldn't we just do assisted Doc?" I asked her...yup, there we were...negotiating!

"Damien's heart rate goes down when you try to push..." Doc said.

I felt like it took forever for me to decide and then I heaved a sigh and nodded, "All right...but Doc, just give me a bikini cut. I still wanna try for a VBAC."

A small chuckle was heard in the DR since I was negotiating and already planning my next birth, all in a matter of seconds. Funny but I never thought of it that way. It just came naturally for me to say those things.

Stat CS...that was how I gave birth. I went through trial of labor...heck, I was already in the delivery room and pushed for 2 whole hours. But that all changed as soon as I heard that very loud scream of a little boy who was pulled out of me.

The shift of roles happened at that very moment, I wasn't pregnant...the person inside of me is finally out and I was a mother. I only had eyes for this one little being that was crying for my presence, crying for my arms, crying for my warmth...I knew that everything was going to change at that point.

I may not have had the birthing experience that I was hoping for but it was the experience that Laurence and I knew would help us cope to be the parents that we are for Damien. It's funny when people say, "Sayang, nandoon ka na." or "Ngek, dumaan ka pa nun tapos CS ka lang pala..."

But for me...I went through two deliveries...I was already pushing for two hours which felt like a normal delivery but because of circumstances that were beyond anyone's control, Damien needed to come out in a different way. Laurence never got tired of reminding me that I did everything that I could to stick to the birth plan that we had...but Damien had other plans instead, he wanted to come out to the world with a different bang...and boy, it definitely was a big bang!