Potty Training: Our Own Way, Our Own Terms

After D's circumcision, I thought that we'd have a short vacation from using our stash of cloth diapers (and when I say stash, I mean his 60++ cloth diapers). Since the surgeon advised open dressing, he was basically "bottom"-less during his recovery stage...the first two weeks anyway. So, naturally, we just stayed home and didn't go to any social events or mall trips. The scabbing became more and more evident when we were on Days 10 and forward of his recovery which meant that his wound is healing just fine. I'm sure it was itchy because during the night he would be scratching it while sleeping. And yes, that meant bed wetting as well because of the "bottom"-less deal.

We already noticed from the beginning of his recovery that he was able to hold his pee for a longer period of time, let's say an hour to an hour and a half, before he would go. Out came the towels and rags to wipe off the mess but I was slowly keeping a cycle of how he would pee. During the third week of his recovery stage, he was a little braver in a sense that he would pick on his scabs. I think he also noticed that part of his anatomy more because he had no bottoms on. His first obvious signal to us was that he would cry and it did take us some time to get the message during that week. Also, we noticed that as long as he would pee before he'd sleep and right after he'd wake up...we would have dry nights.

We also noticed during the third week of his recovery that he HATED wearing bottoms! Well, he hated his cloth diapers and he certainly hated being dressed up! Two weeks at home and that's what happens! After a battle royale, we did get some clothes on him and managed to attend our weekly playgroup. I was careful and made sure to change his pull-ups every hour, when Yaya Wilma and I changed his pull-ups, it was actually dry and he peed on the sink! We were then aware that he didn't want to pee in his pull-ups or bottoms and would rather pee in the bathroom.

Now, it's been a month and a week since his circumcision. His wound is all healed and he's all well, though there's still his VCUG pending (I still hope this is unnecessary and can be cancelled). He signals that he wants to go by pointing at the bathroom door and calling out to us. Before he sleeps at night, we make it a point to head on over to the bathroom and pee (no matter how small the amount of the pee) and I am rest assured that he can hold his bladder until early morning. Or, if he stirs in the night and would start crying and holding his groin, L carries him to the bathroom and he pees. Of course, as soon as he is beside me...he goes back to the breast for a quick drink and then snores back to dreamland.

He hasn't stopped his night feedings and I know that he's not ready for that. But I am quite proud that he has the ability to control his bladder at 19 months. That was a journey that I hope to not experience anymore (we're crossing our fingers that his urinalysis would be clear) and we have learned a lot. I understand that circumcision is a choice of a parents especially when the child is not aware and I know we have made the best decision for him because it was for his health.

Did we actually potty train him? I'd say not. Are we still potty training him? Yes, we are. We look at his signs and cues from him, and we keep a schedule in such a way that we head to the bathroom once every hour and a half or two hours so that he can empty his bladder.

I'd say that we did the "potty training" in our own way and our own terms. Do we have a goal that he be potty trained when he reaches a certain age? Weird as it may sound, no. I'd say that we're taking it all in stride and what amazes me is that we leave it all up to D.

Child Safety Harness: To Use or Not To Use?

A couple of days ago, I was looking through my Facebook newsfeed and noticed a former trainee of mine with a status about a toddler who is missing. My heart quickly skipped a couple of beats and looked through her timeline and found out that her niece was abducted from a local mall a few hours ago and still no updates. My heart sank further as I looked back at my newsfeed yesterday, it's been 24 hours since the toddler was lost and still no news. I posted the photo in the page that I'm managing for our playgroup and all the other local groups that I can think of.

It's every parent's nightmare, losing their child. One cannot imagine the pain and guilt that a parent or caretaker feels when it is their sole job to take care of the child. I shudder to think of the day that I would personally know the child...because my heart is already breaking for the situation at hand, and I don't know the child personally. I then looked at the possibility of a group centering at abducting children and what they would do with the children. Child trafficking has been a common thing but never in this city...Davao City is known is to be safe, and yet...this happened!

I told L last night about the situation and he, himself, was worried. He told me that D was not to go to any public places in the next few weeks, unless he is there with us. I looked at the calendar and checked D's social calendar...so far, the only place we go to weekly is at The POD for the playgroup, and he's gonna be absent for two weeks because he's still recovering from his circumcision. So, no mall trips for the next week or so.

I then got to thinking, I've been seeing parents use the child safety harness on their toddlers. Yes, I will admit, I am one of those people who swore that they will not be saying things like "Because I said so..." or who will be using such harnesses because I didn't feel the need for it. Well, I'm contemplating of purchasing one for D. Now, I could really care less about stares and side comments from people because I care more about D's safety. And to be honest, it is quite helpful especially if the toddler doesn't like to be strapped in the stroller or who doesn't want to hold one's hand when they enter the mall. It gives them a certain freedom but knowing that the parent or caretaker still has a hold on them.

Of course, the downside would be if the harness is used as a leash and dragging the toddler somewhere or pulling them because they're not following instructions. I've learned that in order to understand D, I need to communicate with him at his level. I would get down to his eye level and talk to him, he may answer in babbles and mumbles that would take me forever to understand but we're communicating. I'm not dictating or just telling him because I'm the parent. I've fully understood that D is a human being who wants things and wants to be understood and as the parent, I need to be more open to that than just telling him to do things because it needs to be done. Trust me, I'm not as patient as other people but I have managed to stretch whatever patience I have since becoming a mother.

So...what are your thoughts about using a child safety harness?

Antics and Shenanigans

18 months for D is just around the corner and boy, has he grown up!

He's not only a mix of L and I but he has a whole side of him that we can only wonder where he got! Weekends are pure of fun and play as I make it a point to spend as much time as I can with him, and L always makes the effort of doing so on his only day off (Sundays). Yes, he's more than a handful but we won't have it any other way.

In terms of development stages...I've already learned to turn a blind eye to what "experts" say because I can only imagine the type of pressure that would put on me and L as we try to make a checklist of what D should be able to do at this stage. 18 months, yes...there are milestones that these toddlers should be hitting but I'd rather D hit it because he wants to and not because we feel like it's a list he needs to achieve. Blabbers and mumbles, yes...he's the perfect example for that. 2-syllable words? Maybe, depends if I catch it myself or Yaya W. Heck, I'm sure he can hold a conversation with me without me knowing. But as long as we're both having fun and he's learning along the way...that's all that matters.

Thankfully, his pedia has seen what he can do and agrees with me...there's no need for a checklist especially when he's thriving so well. And since I'm still breastfeeding him at 17 months and 22 days strong...I'd say that the IQ points that experts are saying will quantify once he's already in his elementary and high school years. Besides, we are all different and we all have different learning styles. I have yet to discover how he exactly learns but he is a sponge, this little man of mine. I can only hope for so much but I know that it's all up to him.

His latest antic is when he mimics L and I when we talk on the mobile phone. We use the speaker when talking and he grabs the remote control and starts talking random blabbers and looks at us as if we need to respond to him. Yes, he's cool like that. We sometimes joke that he'll be following our footsteps and be bossing people around but I shudder to think of such future! LOL! He's not as patient, he's a toddler so patience is still a learning curve, especially when his stack of building blocks fall.

He loves writing...nope, not on the walls...but on the sheets and the rubber mats on the floor instead! He uses crayons, pens, pencils...anything he can get his hands on that he knows is drawing material...expect it to be his. One can only imagine my reaction when I realize that my daily mommy planner has all his doodles...I don't mind, it's something that I'll treasure so much! I'd always tell myself...more doodles, please!

Tantrums? Of course, he's a toddler! We make it a point that he doesn't cry out as much so that there would be a communication between whoever is handling him and himself. We let him cry so that he could let his feelings out but we don't let him cry it out. He's just like any other toddler who throws tantrums especially when he doesn't get what he wants or when we don't understand what he's trying to say. It's a rollercoaster ride with him but it's view's totally worth it.

I still can't believe that we're about to hit 18 months...it's been such a quick ride, in the blink of the eye...who knows where D will find himself. Antics and shenanigans about, he's the one person who will always have a place in my heart...of course, because he knows how it feels from the inside.

julie

Save, Pay and Invest

As I greeted 2014, I knew that I needed to up my ante on myself and give myself a challenge...three goals popped in my mind immediately: save, pay and invest.

SAVE. It's the one word that I've always eluded all the this time. It's easier said than done and everyone knows that. I've never been the best at saving and I knew that it was going to bite me in the ass sooner or later. And when D came into the picture, I knew that I needed to shift priorities. Well, I basically changed the way that I thought and really focused on family. So this time around, I'm putting my money where my mouth is...opening a trust for Damien and putting a portion of our earnings in savings.

PAY. Paying off all the "external" debts that we have. When I say external, I mean the credit card and loan. We still have "internal" debts towards my parents for taking us in and taking care of us all these years. But my ultimate goal is to pay off the external debts so that we can focus more on helping out with the household utilities and more savings as well.

INVEST. Not so sure yet as to where we'll be putting in our money but my view of this is taking over the payment of the life policies and pre-need policies that my parents got for L and I while we were still younger. We might be getting a policy for D as well.

I keep on reminiscing when I was still young and would play house while Mum and Dad were away on their trips and I would pretend to be the one in charge of the house and all...then I snap back to reality and realize that I am an adult and I will be in charge of the house soon after Mum and Dad have moved out and moved to their home on the foot of Mt. Apo...

As much as I would love to challenge myself more, these three goals will push me to be a smarter individual in the world of money. It will help us in making decisions for the family and it will also help us prepare for the future. Hey, D will start school in 2 years so we need to prepare for that as well, whether we decide to homeschool him or not...and the most usual question I'm being asked these days is, "When will you give D a sibling?" My answer so far, "We'll try late next year..." It's not cheap giving birth these days...let alone raise a child.

Fingers crossed as I start my journey to achieve these three goals...

julie

Urinary Tract Infection: It's Not What Everyone Thinks It Is

Been a little busier than usual and this has been in my drafts since mid-December...

UTI or urinary tract infection is quite common for girls only because of how our anatomy is on the outside. It's quite rare for boys though it's not impossible for them to acquire UTI.

D was diagnosed with UTI early September and he went through a course of antibiotics. It was the scariest thing we had to go through since his fever was erratic though persistent and he went through chills at one point. He had three urine cultures and even though there were two types of bacteria that was present in his urine, only one was removed with the antibiotics. Then he was clinically all right and well even though E.Coli was still positive in his culture. His pedia, Doc Monna, ordered for another urine culture in one of the top hospitals here in Davao just to make sure and then we will decide on the course of treatment thereafter.

I was a little unsure with the fact that the course of treatment for E.Coli in UTI is only via IV antibiotics, I wasn't too keen with admitting D in the hospital just for that when he is clinically active and not having fever. So, we postponed the urine culture and decided to go the organic route and made him drink coconut water for two weeks straight...hoping that his UTI would just go away.

By mid-November, D was having his usual fever and loss of appetite. We rushed to the hospital for labs. His CBC platelet were within normal range so it's not dengue but he does have an infection. His urine culture was due in a couple of days so we resorted to just letting him drink paracetamol for the meantime to regulate his temperature.

When the urine culture came out and it was still positive with E.Coli...then I knew that his UTI was back with a vengeance so we were prepping ourselves for the worst, which would mean that D would have to admitted for IV antibiotics. So, late November D was admitted at Brokenshire Hospital for 10 days for his UTI treatment. It was one of the most challenging times because I knew what it took to be in the hospital and the discomfort and pain he'd have to go through with all the needle poking and lab tests. I'm quite proud to say that he's such a trooper and has even made tons of friends amongst the nurses.

He was discharged with a clean bill of health though he still has some procedures to be scheduled. D is still maintaining his antibiotics for the meantime, but he is scheduled to have his circumcision next week due to his phimosis (the tightness of the foreskin of the penis that prevents the retraction of the foreskin over the glans). And once he's all healed up, he'll go through VCUG (voiding cysto-urethrogram) to check if there is anything in his urinary tract system that might be the cause of the infection aside from his phimosis.

We hope that his circumcision and his VCUG will go smoothly so that his recurring UTI will be done and I won't have to panic every time he would get a fever...

julie

Full-Term Breastfeeding and Beyond: With Gratitude and Joy

D has just turned 15 months and he loves to walk around, explore and get himself into all kinds of mischief. It's something that I've slowly prepared myself for and somehow, we're all amazed at how he can learn so much in so little time. I can sense that he's a lot like L when learning things, he needs to touch them and do things rather than just observing. But sometimes, I also catch him observing me doing something and then later on, he'd be doing it as well! Such a sponge this little dude!

I've been breastfeeding D since Day 1 of his life and up to this day, there hasn't been a stop to his insatiable love and appetite for my boobies. He's a little more protective of me now since he doesn't like it when L would hug me or even just put his hand on my lap. You can expect a whine or he would literally remove the hand from me. But breastfeeding is a different story for the three of us. It's something that has bonded us ever more and I think that we're reaping the benefits now, more than ever.

D loves his food...and I mean LOVES it! An hour right after his breakfast, expect him to be munching on his biscuits again while trying his hand at the vacuum. Or right after dinner, he'd be asking for my milk in a bottle (since we're getting into a routine that he doesn't see me until nighttime to get him used to me working). Yaya W adores D because he's happy when he's full and satisfied. But yes, he throws tantrums especially when he knows he can control the situation, or when it's L who's looking after him.

Having had the chance to breastfeed D full-term has been such a blessing and I can only express gratitude to my support group. I don't think I would be able to last this long if it weren't for their kinds words, strength and support. I happen to be breastfeeding a piranha too, since D already has eight teeth and is sprouting a couple of more in the coming weeks. There are instances (especially the night feedings when I noticed that he would catch up on his feeding) that I just wish he'd let go of my sore nipples but I also know that's the only time he can have me all to himself. The moment the sun comes out, he knows that I am playing three roles, mom, wife and sister (let's change the sister to trainer next year!).

It is indeed with gratitude and joy and I have come to embrace this advocacy that is so near and dear to my heart. I have learned so much about being a mother and I know that I have more to learn and to share to other moms and moms-to-be.

I believe that breastfeeding is the best start of any baby's life because it is simply Mother Nature working. There's nothing to be scared about it. There's nothing to doubt about it. And there's definitely nothing weird about it.

julie

Sticking To A Routine

When the decision was made that I would go back to my old job (a job that I truly love), we knew that we needed to transition D to a routine that we all could slowly ease into and that he can handle. Tots love and thrive with routine. Of course, he can make his own routine and God only knows it takes me a while to understand what he actually wants but as long as he's happy...we're all good.

Though my job would be in shifts, morning shift would be a priority for me since I'm still breastfeeding D and I'm also pumping in between for his stash, and also he's still young. He just turned 15 months a few days ago and I've noticed that he doesn't drink as much milk as he would from a bottle or from a cup, he would only drink if he's about to take his nap (which he would take it from a bottle) and then doze himself to sleep. Then, after my online classes...that's the time he would catch up with his feedings. I totally get it now...though I still pump for extra stash and to make sure that I won't get plugged ducts and all, the transition to feeding him has definitely been a major change in my routine.

I'm pretty lucky to have an online gig right now that simply requires me to sit and I can power pump during my classes. I can pump about 4-5oz for each afternoon that I power pump and D only consumes about 3-4oz so I still have a bit of the stash left. When I don't have classes (Korean holidays or when I am absent) then I make it a point to directly feed D coz I'm way too lazy to really pump. So weekends are really just directly feeding him and then he eats A LOT OF solids.

I haven't really thought of how my pumping routine will be in the office since we're really focused on getting D to get used to not seeing me for longer hours. He does get used to it at some point but when he sees me in the family office then all hell breaks loose because he'd demand that I spend time with him. Also, we're still trying to calm him when he wakes up at night for feeding. I have yet to introduce the bottle with him and L but we're planning to do that in November. I'll leave the cooler in our bedroom with a bottle or two and hopefully, they'll both manage to soothe and calm themselves. This is for when I have the midshift (2pm-11pm) schedule coz I'd be home by 11:30pm and be in bed by 11:45pm...that's about 10 hours gone so it'll take some getting used to for D and L given that they're both used to just having me in between them. Good luck to the boys, huh?

Not only am I getting D to a routine...I also need to get myself in a routine. I've been staying at home for almost 2 years now so that's almost 2 years of not really waking up early or prepping myself to go out (that's such too much prepping!) so I need to get myself into a quick but foolproof routine where I can still be a wife, mom and a trainer...hahaha! Good luck to me, huh?

All these talk about routines have definitely made me feel excited but at the same time anxious because gone are the days where I can actually play hooky and plan the whole day on a whim...this time around, there's a need for a schedule and there's a need for cooperation (and I mean serious cooperation) so that everyone can leave on time and not be late. Aha! Good luck to all of us, huh?

But I'm sure that we can all manage somehow, we still have two more months...I'd want to be optimistic about this...

julie

Milestones and Comparisons

I've heard it more often than I want..."How old is he? Can he talk? Can he walk? Can he say his name? Can he recognize people?" WHOA! Slow down, I have a 13-month-old, not a senior citizen! What's wrong with you people?

I've been looking through tons of baby/toddler websites and I know by now that tots grow up very differently even though they live in the same area. Let's take D as an example...he's about to hit his 14th month in a couple of days and he just loves to be all around the place! I read him books (well, he has a favorite book) and he loves to play with his blocks and puzzles and all sorts of toys. He likes to stand more than walking, and if he does walk...he'd rather do it when he's on top of our mattress, knowing that if he'd fall flat on his bum, it's soft (smart kid!). He has tons of syllables in his vocabulary but a complete word is uttered by accident and happens once in a blue moon. He has his mood swings and will definitely let the world know how he feels. He just hit his 9-kg mark on the scale on his last pedia visit and is still cheerfully breastfeeding whenever he wants to. He eats three full meals a day (and more snacks in between) and loves to try new food, as long as he can take the taste. His eyes beam whenever he sees the most familiar faces (me, L, Yaya, Lolo, Lola and Tita J). He adores it whenever he is near our dogs, Spark and Sam, and would love to pull their tail if he had the chance. He knows that crawling is a faster way of getting to what he wants than walking. He loves it when the faucet is turned on and we have to wash his bum. He points out to whatever he wants us to bring him and will let us know if it's the right thing.

For this wonderful little dude, he is slowly and surely learning his way around the world. He's unlike any other tot in the world and I wouldn't change that. Should I worry that he insists in crawling rather than walking? Nope, he'll find his footing in the world. Should I worry that he hasn't uttered words yet? Nope, he'll soon mutter them nonstop once he has found his syllables. Should I worry that he's choosy with people? Nope, he recognizes faces and beams when he knows them.

I've learned (the hard way) that I cannot push D to be just like any other tot because he's not like any other tot. I can't compare him to his peers and I can't force him to fit in to the "standard" when he has his own way and footing in the world. I love it that he's teaching me the one lesson that I've learned myself, "Why do I need to fit in when I am born to stand out and be a different person?"

Yes D, I understand. And I will try my best to keep that in mind. You are your own being and you are your own person. And I will be as patient as I can be with myself and my expectations so that I can give you the best that the world has to offer. I trust that you will learn how the world works and you will also teach me how you are as a being in this world.

Transitioning to Toddlerhood

D is turning 1 year old in 24 days, hence the countdown to his big O-N-E has begun. I'm quite excited at the commitment that I have for his birthday party but at the same time, the undeniable fact faces me...I am about to have a toddler in the house (insert sarcastic and funny remark...).

I'm quite excited with the prospect of having my very own hurricane in the house. I know that a lot of moms and dads who have had toddlers (my parents included) will always tell me ALL THE HORROR stories that they can tell me about what life is like with a toddler. Wow, thanks so much! I'm not sure if you're happy about it or you just wanna make me feel miserable. I hope it's the former but I do know where they're coming from...I just wish that it was put more delicately, like not scaring the first-time parents. Instead, supporting them and telling them the tricks of the trade of being a parent to a toddler. It doesn't hurt, right?

I remember when I gave birth to D and all my other high school batch mates were also pregnant and about to pop...I was more than happy to tell them about my birthing experience but I was also careful with my words, I wanted them to anticipate it with excitement, happiness and joy as opposed to dread and fear. Why put so much negativity into such a happy occasion? I've always believed that if you really want to support someone, you give them a nice picture but also give them warnings but without discouraging them. It's a balance but I make it a point to do it.

I'm starting to hear a lot of "horror" and "terror" stories about having a toddler in the house:

"Halaka, samok na kaayo ang balay!"
"Nah, payat jud ka ana samot ba!"
"Goodbye na lang sa mga gamit ninyo..."
"Kapuy kaayo ang bata uy...purye gaba lang..."

Hmmm...anything positive about having a toddler? Like maybe when they pick up their toys and put them in their respective boxes? Or when they try to help you with other chores? Or when they start talking and babbling as if they're in a conversation with you?

I appreciate all the stories but I wish that people, in general, would be more positive when giving stories. I know that D will be a handful and I'm already expecting that. I thank God, everyday, for Yaya Wilma as she can always carry half of the load during the day. We're already expecting the worst (not really) but we're definitely hoping for the best.

Toddlers are expected to make a mess...they're expected to be noisy and loud...they're expected to be kids and just run around and play...what else do you expect of them? They're kids...they're learning and exploring and they want to have fun.

Right now, I can see that D is slowly transitioning from a baby to a toddler and I can't help myself but wonder, how fast time flies. Last year...he was still in my tummy, kicking and punching and basically telling us he wants to see the world. And now that he's out and about, I'm sure he wants to see more.

This sure transition to toddlerhood is something that every parent will go through...this time, with us, we want it to be a memorable and positive experience for everyone. Are there going to be bumps? Oh yes, a lot of them. But in the end, it's all about D exploring how wonderful and great the world is. And yes, I will be there...every step of the way.