Sticking To A Routine

When the decision was made that I would go back to my old job (a job that I truly love), we knew that we needed to transition D to a routine that we all could slowly ease into and that he can handle. Tots love and thrive with routine. Of course, he can make his own routine and God only knows it takes me a while to understand what he actually wants but as long as he's happy...we're all good.

Though my job would be in shifts, morning shift would be a priority for me since I'm still breastfeeding D and I'm also pumping in between for his stash, and also he's still young. He just turned 15 months a few days ago and I've noticed that he doesn't drink as much milk as he would from a bottle or from a cup, he would only drink if he's about to take his nap (which he would take it from a bottle) and then doze himself to sleep. Then, after my online classes...that's the time he would catch up with his feedings. I totally get it now...though I still pump for extra stash and to make sure that I won't get plugged ducts and all, the transition to feeding him has definitely been a major change in my routine.

I'm pretty lucky to have an online gig right now that simply requires me to sit and I can power pump during my classes. I can pump about 4-5oz for each afternoon that I power pump and D only consumes about 3-4oz so I still have a bit of the stash left. When I don't have classes (Korean holidays or when I am absent) then I make it a point to directly feed D coz I'm way too lazy to really pump. So weekends are really just directly feeding him and then he eats A LOT OF solids.

I haven't really thought of how my pumping routine will be in the office since we're really focused on getting D to get used to not seeing me for longer hours. He does get used to it at some point but when he sees me in the family office then all hell breaks loose because he'd demand that I spend time with him. Also, we're still trying to calm him when he wakes up at night for feeding. I have yet to introduce the bottle with him and L but we're planning to do that in November. I'll leave the cooler in our bedroom with a bottle or two and hopefully, they'll both manage to soothe and calm themselves. This is for when I have the midshift (2pm-11pm) schedule coz I'd be home by 11:30pm and be in bed by 11:45pm...that's about 10 hours gone so it'll take some getting used to for D and L given that they're both used to just having me in between them. Good luck to the boys, huh?

Not only am I getting D to a routine...I also need to get myself in a routine. I've been staying at home for almost 2 years now so that's almost 2 years of not really waking up early or prepping myself to go out (that's such too much prepping!) so I need to get myself into a quick but foolproof routine where I can still be a wife, mom and a trainer...hahaha! Good luck to me, huh?

All these talk about routines have definitely made me feel excited but at the same time anxious because gone are the days where I can actually play hooky and plan the whole day on a whim...this time around, there's a need for a schedule and there's a need for cooperation (and I mean serious cooperation) so that everyone can leave on time and not be late. Aha! Good luck to all of us, huh?

But I'm sure that we can all manage somehow, we still have two more months...I'd want to be optimistic about this...

julie

Think About It

I'm at a crossroad right now...

I've always wanted to be a hands-on mom, like hands-on to a point that I stay home and make sure that I see every single milestone that D will go through. Then again, I look back and see how my life was before I became a mother, I was part of the corporate world and loved being there as well.

Now that D is a toddler, I've always told myself that I might seriously consider going back to work as long as I can handle the pressure and that L and I have thoroughly talked about it.

Right after our usual weekly playgroup this morning, I had lunch with a very good friend of mine from my previous office and she also happens to be D's godmother. She also asked me to be the godmother of her youngest son's confirmation and of course, I obliged with a huge smile. She updated me with the happenings in the office and how much it has changed and how many have come and gone. Then, right there...I can still vividly remember how fun the office was. It was a family and I miss it every single day.

She told me that because of the recent changes of the line-up in the office...some people have decided to leave and some are about to leave. Of course, there are new faces and that's also great and refreshing. Then I asked her, "Do you need me there?" And with her usual expression in her eyes, "Yes...but think about it..."

Ah yes...think about it...

I cannot quite grasp the idea of me about to leave for work everyday when I know that I'm leaving D. I trust Yaya W completely, don't get me wrong, but I've always wanted to be a hands-on mom. I've always wanted to see every single milestone that he'll go through. I wanna be the one who will teach him all the firsts in the world. I'm relinquishing that...and I'm not sure if I can fathom the idea, just yet.

I know that this is going to be a long process of thinking and weighing the pros and cons. I listed down the first few comparisons that came into mind and everything that was under CON was about D. Am I wrong for wanting to be with my son? Am I wrong for wanting to go back to work? Where am I supposed to put myself in this situation? I'm confused because I'm battling with my own reasons even though the world around me is telling me that it'll be all right.

This is battle between the mother in me and the wife in me...mother because I want to take of D and be there for everything that he will go through, wife because I know that we can work together better if we both are employed and we can actually save more and have a fund set for D.

I don't know...I'm still lost...

I have until the end of the year to really think about this carefully...I just hope that whatever I decide, I will be happy about it. I know that my family will be supportive of whatever choice I make...I just need to be sure that I AM okay with the decision.